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Post by 666 Black Panther on Jul 9, 2008 22:39:59 GMT 5
Heard this on the radio, it supposedly happened.
A teacher walks up to Sally and hands her her essay and asks, "Why does your handwriting look like your boyfriend's?"
"Because I used his pen."
Dumbass, 1 2 lie also don't no how.
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thel0lguy
Active Scout Officer
PL, Forum Rank - No Lifer
Victory attained by violence is tantamount to a defeat, for it is momentary.
Posts: 1,351
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Post by thel0lguy on Jul 10, 2008 20:12:33 GMT 5
Q: What will be the colour of the baby's teeth when a black marries a white?
A: Does the baby have any?
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thel0lguy
Active Scout Officer
PL, Forum Rank - No Lifer
Victory attained by violence is tantamount to a defeat, for it is momentary.
Posts: 1,351
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Post by thel0lguy on Jul 10, 2008 20:13:15 GMT 5
Q: What is hard on the outside, but soft inside?
A: chewing gum
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Post by Baka Neko on Jul 14, 2008 20:39:54 GMT 5
-Original post moved to another thread-
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nathan
Active Scout Officer
APL
Posts: 19
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Post by nathan on Jul 28, 2008 14:49:47 GMT 5
One day, a mother was bring her daughter to the washroom when her daughter spotted a statue of a nude man.
Daughter: mama mama,wat is what?i wan 1.(pointing to the 'u know where')
Mom: no, u cant hav 1
As the mother said no, the daughter kept persuading her.
Finally,
Mom: if u behave well and stop thinking of it, u will hav 1.
Daughter: what if i dont
Mom:u will hav many
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Post by x3sinner on Sept 4, 2008 20:04:05 GMT 5
why are men so smart?
cos they have 2 heads
what is the similarity between dicks and a ribicks cube
the longer u play with it, the harder it gets
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Stephen
Active Venture
Freespace 2, Shivans
Posts: 243
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Post by Stephen on Sept 10, 2008 17:15:46 GMT 5
what does a PSP, Nintendo DS and Michael Jackson have in common?
they come in black and white
are made of plastic
and...
get turned on by little boys
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Stephen
Active Venture
Freespace 2, Shivans
Posts: 243
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Post by Stephen on Sept 27, 2008 15:42:57 GMT 5
Let me tell a story. A man was in the hospital after a major accident. After a time, the doctor decided to call in the family to discuss options. “Well,” said the doctor, “At this point, there is only one option. We could try an experimental brain transplant. Now, a male brain will run you about $50,000, while a female brain will run at about $35,000.”
(guys stop here) (girls continue)
Several men in the room snicker, thinking they know why, however, one you ng lady, curious as to the difference asked, “Doctor, why are men’s brains so much more expensive then women’s?” to which the doctor replied, “Simple pricing practices. A woman’s brain has actually been used.”
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Stephen
Active Venture
Freespace 2, Shivans
Posts: 243
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Post by Stephen on Oct 8, 2008 14:24:16 GMT 5
Why do Mermaids wear sea-shells?
Cause b-shells are too small and d-shells are too big
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jolian
Active Scout Officer
PL
Posts: 98
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Post by jolian on Dec 2, 2008 21:50:51 GMT 5
i wish my ass can touch Obama's ass so i`ll be a black ass.
I wish my ass can touch Shaun's ass so i`ll be a rich ass.
act blur be supervisor. (NPC people will know this hahahahaha)
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bryanong
Active Scout Officer
PL
Posts: 54
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Post by bryanong on Dec 16, 2008 21:19:29 GMT 5
is act blur live longer, act blur be supervisor
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Post by Ryan Lim on Jan 21, 2009 12:57:57 GMT 5
Background Information: The Boston Red Sox and The Yankees are very famous and popular baseball teams in the US.
One day, after the most anticipated baseball game of the year, a middle school teacher, who was extremely supportive of The Yankees, came into her class one day wearing the most sour look on her face.
Typically, her class had the feeling that if they were going to avoid maximum homework that day, they'd better be one-day fans of The Yankees.
Teacher: "Class? What's the best baseball team in the whooolee of America?
(Simultaneously) Class: "The Yankees!!"
But one brave little girl decided to stand up against the crowd: "The Boston Red Sox!" She exclaimed
Puzzled, the teacher asks: "Why do you say that little girl?"
"Cause my mommy and daddy like The Boston Red Sox too!"
"You know, if you're always going to be so dependent on your parents, you'll never grow up!" shot the teacher.
"Nuh-uh~!!" The girl defiantly replies.
"Okay then... If your mom was a sl*t, and your dad was a moron, what would that make you then?"
The girl devilishly smiles.
"A Yankees fan!!"
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Post by Baka Neko on Jan 23, 2009 12:17:48 GMT 5
The story of an owner with a dog named Sex
Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But she is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand. ... I have had Sex since I was nine years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy."
When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family is barred from the church from then on.
When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't understand. ... Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too!"
One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a show off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married." The Judge said, "Me too!"
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for Sex." -- My case comes up next Thursday.
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I couldn't live any longer so lonely." and the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend so get yourself a dog."
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Post by Baka Neko on Jan 23, 2009 12:43:49 GMT 5
Want this on your report book?
1. Your son has a remarkable ability in gathering needed information from his classmates. (He was caught cheating on a test).
2. Karen is an endless fund of energy and viability.(The hyperactive monster can’t stay seated for five minutes).
3. Fantastic imagination! Unmatched in his capacity for blending fact with fiction.(He’s definitely one of the biggest liars I have ever met).
4. Margie exhibits a casual, relaxed attitude to school, indicating that high expectations don’t intimidate her.(The lazy thing hasn’t done one assignment all term).
5. Her athletic ability is marvelous. Superior hand-eye coordination.(The little creep stung me with a rubber band from 15 feet away).
6. Nick thrives on interaction with his peers.(Your son needs to stop socializing and start working).
7. Your daughter’s greatest asset is her demonstrative public discussions.(Classroom lawyer! Why is it that every time I explain an assignment she creates a class argument).
8. John enjoys the thrill of engaging challenges with his peers.(He’s a bully).
9. An adventurous nature lover who rarely misses opportunities to explore new territory.(Your daughter was caught skipping school at the fishing pond).
10. I am amazed at her tenacity in retaining her youthful personality.(She’s so immature that we’ve run out of diapers).
11. Unlike some students who hide their emotion, Charles is very expressive and open.(He must have written the Whiner’s Guide).
12. I firmly believe that her intellectual and emotional progress would be enhanced through a year’s repetition of her learning environment.(Regretfully, we believe that she is not ready for high school and must repeat the 8th grade).
13. Her exuberant verbosity is awesome! (A mouth that never stops yacking).
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Post by 666 Black Panther on May 13, 2009 22:03:21 GMT 5
25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION . "Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
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